| LONG TIME NO SEE RANDOM POST |
[Oct. 9th, 2009|01:08 pm] |
Up here in New York, I've picked up the habit of mispronouncing any Spanish word as badly as I can to see if anyone notices or corrects me.
Taco = "tack-oh"
Burrito = "burr-it-oh"
Quesadilla = "Kwes-ah-dill-a", "dill" as in "dill pickle"
Jalapeños = "jal-o-peen-os", with the j sound in "jar".
Chipotle = "chi-poodle" (no we don't have one of those up here, I use that at McDonalds on the snack wraps)
No one has noticed so far. I think a couple of Puerto Ricans have snickered to themselves, though. |
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| SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE: GROCERY LIST |
[Nov. 5th, 2008|08:37 pm] |
Everybody's said just about everything about this election already, so there isn't too much I need to add. So instead, and in keeping with my NaNoWriMo theme of snatching up other author's styles (in case you haven't been following) I give you a modern-day trip to the grocery store, Coleridge-style. I'm calling this one
( RIME OF THE IMPATIENT HOMEMAKER )
Next time: Children of the Universe #8! |
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| HEMINGWAY: THE CHILDREN'S BOOK |
[Oct. 31st, 2008|01:41 pm] |
He was a magic dragon who frolicked in the autumn mist in Honah Lee and it had been eighty-seven days since he could be brave. In the first days of summer a boy had been with him. But after forty days of painted wings and giant rings the boy's parents told him that the dragon was now definitely and finally fábula, which is the worst form of imaginary, and one gray night the boy had gone at their orders to a youth group, where he made three good friends the first day. It made the boy sad to see the dragon come in each day with his head bent in sorrow. The green scales fell like rain and, fallen, they looked like the flag of permanent defeat.
The magic dragon was long and green with glimmering scales on the back of his neck. Strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff were in his hoard. The hoard spilled well down from his cavern to the cherry lane and it had many bits of wrapping paper from years of boyish gifts. But none of these gifts were new. They were as old as a Christmas present that was hidden in the attic and forgotten.
"Puff," the boy said as they walked back from the beach where the boat with billowed sail was moored. "I could go with you again."
The magic dragon had taught the boy to keep a lookout perched on his gigantic tail and the boy loved him.
"No," the magic dragon said. "You are with real friends. Stay with them."
"But remember how noble kings and princes would bow whenever we came and how pirate ships would lower their flags when you would roar out your name."
"I remember," the magic dragon said. "I know you did not leave me because you stopped believing in me." |
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| NaNoSomethingortheother |
[Oct. 31st, 2008|06:39 am] |
I was wondering what to do this year for the ol' Novel Writing Month, which has basically turned into this thing where instead of writing a novel, I make up some sort of weird nutty writing assignment and go to it until I get busy with something else.
And then ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) drinky_lemur mentioned in a post yesterday that he was once given an assignment to write in the style of Hemingway. Ahhh, inspiration! Seriously, that is a crazy enough assignment to where I just have to try this.
And that's what I shall be doing this time around: writing chunklets of other people's novels, without resorting to the crutch of summoning their spirits and going in for that whole automatic writing thing.
( OK! So here is some 'Hemingway', well except this time the expatriate is a Southern Californian. ) |
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| not the mason-dixon line but possibly just as important |
[Oct. 23rd, 2008|10:23 pm] |
This world is made up of lines, lines that often don't exist anywhere except in our heads. Where one country or state leaves off and another begins. Property rights. Things that divide us, things that we don't even know have been dividing us for years.
Like mayonnaise.
That's the line I'm talking about here: the Hellmann's-Best Foods Line.
Over the course of a hundred years, two mayonnaise empires were carved out, joined, and then united in their division. More specifically: in 1905 one Richard Hellmann, previously a German forest-dweller, came to America and married into a delicatessen family. People liked his wife's mayonnaise so much that he started selling it in "wooden boats" that were used for weighing butter, and eventually demand (and splinters) grew to the point where he decided glass jars were a better idea.
At almost the exact same time Best Foods started selling mayonnaise in California, but without the benefit of a charming immigrant story. These two spheres of ever-increasing influence finally came into contact somewhere over the Rockies, and then just as two small globs of mayo become one large one, the two companies were merged.
But brand-name recognition being what it is, both mayonnaises and their individual recipes were preserved. The look of the packaging, the marketing campaigns, everything else would be identical, but the names and recipes would be different. (Check out the websites at Hellmann's and Best Foods. Watch the logo at the Best Foods site as it briefly flashes "Hellmann's" before changing!)
The upshot of all this is that after the merger, one could no longer buy Hellmann's Mayonnaise west of the Rockies, nor Best Foods Mayonnaise east of the Rockies. This continues to this day.
Which brings me to my point: somewhere in this country there is an invisible line. On each side of this line there is a grocery store or gas station. One will have Hellmann's, and the other Best Foods. I would like to know where this line is. Is it possible that somewhere there might even be a store that carries both brands?
And could a map be drawn to show this division? It's possible the Dutch already have one, Unilever bought the company in the 90s but preserved the name divide. They swapped out the glass jars for plastic ones, though, and introduced the 30 oz. quart. They also diddled with the recipes, I'm finding out as I'm finishing this. And here I thought the subtle difference in mayonnaise was just because I switched coasts.
Oh well, I'm honestly more of a hot sauce person anyway. |
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| JOE THE PLUMBER |
[Oct. 15th, 2008|11:22 pm] |
McCain mentioned Joe the Plumber something like 21 times during the debate. In fact, I felt like the whole thing was kind of a love letter from McCain to good old Joe. But who is Joe, really?
Joe Wurzelbacher, a.k.a. Joe the Plumber, is certainly making the rounds on youtube right now. But did you know that he also made the rounds in the AWA, the WCWA, and the WWF? The screencap above doesn't do him justice: if you look closely at the video, you can see a man who's hunching over to speak to the 6'1" Obama, and is easily 3 times as wide.
That's right: he may have lost a little weight since his heyday, but it's clear that our own Joe the Plumber, in a previous career, was King Kong Bundy. Do you really think that frozen pipes could stand up to this man?
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| Movie meme: last two. |
[Feb. 23rd, 2008|10:31 pm] |
Here's the answers to the quotes no one guessed—I'm going to do this in the form of really obvious quotes.
2. "I have just shot someone, I did it on purpose."
2nd quote from 2. "'Rubber baby buggy bumpers.' Ha! You did not know I would say that!"
3rd quote from 3.
"Trying to be funny?"
"Yes. I am the famous comedian Arnold Braunschweiger."
"Schwarzenegger."
"Gesundheit."
9. "I got to feeling like a machine. That's no way to feel."
This movie had 2 proper sequels. Here is a quote from one of the sequels: "Baby, by now it's shrunk down to 20 inches."
Who is the man, who would risk his neck for his brother man? |
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| Movies again. |
[Feb. 21st, 2008|05:45 am] |
There's still 8 on my list that haven't been figured out yet, so here are a few (hopefully not too revealing) bonus clues!
2. "I have just shot someone, I did it on purpose."
2nd quote from 2. "'Rubber baby buggy bumpers.' Ha! You did not know I would say that!"
6. "Thanks a lot you shit-brained, fuck-faced, ball-breaking, duck-fucking pain in the ass."
2nd quote from 6. "I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing 'I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener'." Demolition Man
7. "Let me get you guys some napkins."
"What for?"
The meal in question was pizza. TMNT 2
8. "The last sound he hears should not be that of a wailing woman!"
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere we are... Highlander
9. "I got to feeling like a machine. That's no way to feel."
This movie had 2 proper sequels. Here is a quote from one of the sequels: "Baby, by now it's shrunk down to 20 inches."
11. "Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City 'Sailor wanna hump-hump' bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here."
The real quote, as opposed to my slightly abridged version. Quote 2 from this one starts with "I think of a man..." As Good As It Gets
13. "I've lived the life of a man and am not ashamed to admit it."
2nd quote from 13. "How you'd have loved the North Cape and the fjords and the midnight sun...to sail across the reef at Barbados...where the blue water turns to green...to the Falklands where a southerly gale rips the whole sea white!" The Ghost and Mrs. Muir
15. "I watch soap operas. I bake brownies. Normalcy is coursing through my veins."
2nd quote from 15. "Jackie and Marty belong to each other. Jackie's hand was holding Marty's penis when they came out the womb." The House of Yes
ALSO: A couple of new ones.
Bonus. "What are you doing?"
"I just wanted to cuddle."
"Cuddle? What a fag." Boondock Saints
Bonus 2. "Went away? 'I dwell in darkness without you' and it went away?" Willow |
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| The quote game. A little something for everyone. |
[Feb. 19th, 2008|03:09 pm] |
1) Pick 15 movies
2) Look up a quote for each from IMDB and post them
3) Let everyone guess what movie each quote is from (but don't cheat using Google or IMDB)
1. "I've been listening to that horse shit of yours for months, and you can take that crap and blow it out your ass. And for good measure, sit on THIS." Kentucky Fried Movie
2. "I have just shot someone, I did it on purpose."
3. "Look! A Turkish massage owl! And look! It’s a bat! Sweet mustache! Willikers!" Wizard People, Dear Reader
4. "Well, I haven't fought just one person for so long. I've been specializing in groups. Battling gangs for local charities, that kind of thing." The Princess Bride
5. "This town needs an enema!" Batman
6. "Thanks a lot you shit-brained, fuck-faced, ball-breaking, duck-fucking pain in the ass."
7. "Let me get you guys some napkins."
"What for?"
8. "The last sound he hears should not be that of a wailing woman!"
9. "I got to feeling like a machine. That's no way to feel."
10. "Including you? There have been exactly one... thousand... five hundred and two." Don Juan DeMarco
11. "Where'd you learn to talk like that? In some Panama City sailor-wanna-hump-hump bar?"
12. "If you screw up even this much, I'll have you flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong." Top Gun
13. "I've lived the life of a man and am not ashamed to admit it."
14. "What a fine fat boy you are, Jack!" Legend
15. "I watch soap operas. I bake brownies. Normalcy is coursing through my veins."
Bonus. "Now that don't make no sense. Early in the morning, spaghetti, hot dogs, and donuts. That's why your stomach be hurtin'!" Bar-B-Q |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2008|02:53 pm] |
I saw this on carocrow's page, and honestly? It's the first time in the 2008 political season I haven't felt ambivalent about something. First off, he was an awesome president in The Fifth Element, and secondly I think it is time for a pro wrestler to be in the White House.
Also, I understand his stance on the issues every bit as well as any of the other candidates. This, despite the fact that he's not campaigning (or, for that matter, even aware that he's running.)
Plus, Tiny has not called me even one time with Celine Dion music blasting in the background, telling me that he will bring me CHANGE if I just press "1" and the country will be a better place with him in power and if you support him press "1" and if Bush makes you ANGRY then press "1" and he'll do something about it in a year when he's elected press "1" TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT press "1" c'mon PRESS "1" FATE OF THE FREE WORLD PRESS "1" HURRY UP ASSHOLE PRESS "1" PRESS "1" PRESS "1".
Therefore: I give you Tiny Lister in 2008. A name you can trust, in a size you can't pass up. |
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| Too good of a meme to pass up |
[Jan. 17th, 2008|03:16 pm] |
1) Go to en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random and look at the name of the article. That is the name of your band.
2) Next, go to www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 and check the last four words of the very last quote. That is the name of your album.
3) Finally, head over to www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/ and look at the third image. Whatever it is, that will be your album cover.
4) Muck all three up with your favorite photo-editing program and post the result.
( I can't believe how perfectly this works. ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 7th, 2008|05:13 am] |
91% Mike Gravel
87% Dennis Kucinich
77% Bill Richardson
73% John Edwards
73% Barack Obama
73% Joe Biden
72% Chris Dodd
67% Hillary Clinton
39% Ron Paul
28% John McCain
28% Rudy Giuliani
26% Mike Huckabee
23% Mitt Romney
15% Fred Thompson
13% Tom Tancredo
2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz
I'm a little concerned that Ron Paul is at the top of my Republican-list. Folks, there is a traitor in your midst. |
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| A NaNoWriLess Food Adventure Novel. |
[Nov. 21st, 2007|12:59 am] |
I knew it was there, in the back of my mind. But today, I opened the cupboard, purposeful. I had finally come for it.
Stick blender, immersion blender, whatever name you give it. A small one, not the jackhammer from Iron Chef.
Roasted butternut squash soup. Turned out pretty decent! |
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| A NaNoWriLess Christmas Nightmares Novel. |
[Nov. 17th, 2007|08:59 pm] |
We Wish You A Merry Christmas
It started innocently. Carolers outside.
"We wish you a merry Christmas!"
They sung pleasantly, but soon they got demanding.
"Now bring us some figgy pudding."
I said no. But they were in for the long haul.
"We won't go until we get some."
Three weeks they've been on my doorstep. |
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| A NaNoWriLess Internet Mystery Novel. |
[Nov. 17th, 2007|01:11 pm] |
Lost in Translation, from English to...English?
"When she was just a widow she had won a golden medal for best children."
I'm watching the Thanksgiving episode of Good Eats. Alton's history of Thanksgiving mentions Sarah Josepha Hale. I came across this sentence in her Wikipedia article. It's deliciously indecipherable--and so I offer it to you. |
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| Writer's Block: Top Five Video Games |
[Nov. 16th, 2007|12:47 am] |
1. Leisure Suit Larry
2. Leisure Suit Larry 2
3. Leisure Suit Larry 3
4. Leisure Suit Larry 5
5. Pac-Man
Because Final Fantasy is very overrepresented. |
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